I’m not sure it’s normal, but I spend a lot of time thinking about criminals. As I’m sure most crime/mystery writers do, I read a lot of crime fiction (and mysteries, suspense, thrillers, etc.). Very Bad People show up in these books.

Usually they are the antagonists, the villains. They aren’t always caught and brought to justice. Sometimes they’re ordinary people who make bad choices, often forced into deciding between two equally abhorrent actions. But mostly these characters intend to hurt others. Why?

I’ve spent a lot of time as a writer teasing out characters’ motives. Why do people do the things they do? Why do the Very Bad People in crime novels commit Very Bad Crimes?

(In fiction the antagonist is often considered to be a monster or to have a “criminal mind,” but there is no such thing. We’re all human. We’re all capable of imagining and fantasizing about doing horrible things. We don’t all act on those fantasies.)

 

In real life, this interest in criminals and victims raises serious issues.

  • How do you figure out who is dangerous?
  • How do you protect yourself . . . protect your loved ones?
  • What do you do if you can’t escape immediate danger?
  • How do you survive?
  • How do you get out of that dangerous situation?

Let’s face it: It’s one thing for the heroic ______________ (detective, FBI agent, lawyer, pathologist) to save ______ (the spouse, the child, the love interest, the world) from the _____________ (serial killer, Mafia don, terrorist, psycho mother-in-law). It can make for an entertaining beach read.

But dealing with a real-life predator?

  • The physically/sexually/emotionally/verbally abusive family member.
  • The stalker.
  • The child molester.

That’s not entertainment. It’s real life. Far too many people have to live with the results of others’ crimes. People like you and me. People we know–maybe even you.

This needs to change.

I can’t forget that someone I know was . . .

. . . verbally and emotionally abused by her partner for over a decade and no one knew. She put on a happy, funny face. He was a church deacon. They looked like a lovely couple. Fairy-tale beautiful. But I had this strange, yucky feeling about him. I never liked him. He seemed smarmy. No one else seemed to feel that way, and I tried to set aside my uneasiness. I wonder now if there was anything I could have done.

. . . abused by her stepfather. Though she knew, the mother didn’t leave him until years later. I wonder now if she was being abused, too, and that’s why she didn’t leave. I wonder why my 13-year-old self didn’t see the signs of abuse.

. . . date raped by her high school boyfriend, who later stalked her. When she told me and another friend that he drove by her house late at night, kept calling her, continued their “relationship” even after it was over, still I didn’t see that his behavior for what it was: stalking. She didn’t know how to get away and she set me up with him for prom. A college sophomore, he was eager to go with me, a high school senior. A little too eager. After prom, I sat in her car and listened to him tell her that the only reason he went was to be near her. Yet I still didn’t hear the real story: he was stalking her. What could my 18-year-old self have done differently?

I could tell other stories. You could, too. But what do we do? What if you are in a bad situation already?

First, if you’re in immediate danger, call the police.

If you know something bad is happening, then tell the authorities.

It’s important that YOU TAKE ACTION to get help from experts. Books help with mental understanding, but they’re not a substitute for individualized help from experts.

It’s important that you know this: you CAN leave. You are valuable and should be treated with respect and dignity. No one deserves to be abused.

End of sermon/disclaimer.

Here’s some sources for understanding predators and how to protect yourself before the danger escalates.
1  Predators: Who They Are and How to Stop Them, by Gregory M. Cooper and Michael R. King

Cooper and King tell us to think like two people: first, the person who wants to prey on you and, secondly, the cop who will investigate the crime against you.

2 Dangerous Personalities, by Joe Navarro

I reviewed Navarro’s book here.

3 The Narcissist Next Door: Understanding the Monster in Your Family, in the Office, in Your Bed–In Your World, by Jeffrey Kluger.

I read this book on vacation, but it’s not your usual beach read. There’s an interesting and enlightening chapter on narcissism and U.S. presidents, a quiz for you to rate your own levels of narcissism, and how to neutralize the effect on you. 

4 The Sociopath Next Door, by Martha Stout.

It’s been a long time since I read this book, but I remember it being informative. If I remember correctly, the author’s ex-husband was an abusive sociopath. As a result, she knows how difficult it is to leave.

5 The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence, by Gavin de Becker.

If I could recommend one book on this list, this is it. In my reading, this book has been mentioned multiple times in multiple contexts. I’ve finally read it and reviewed it. Excellent.

Note that some of the above books disagree with each other about who is a threat, how to protect yourself, etc., and that’s okay. It helps to get different perspectives.

Do you have other book suggestions to add to this list?